The two-year molars are killing me dead, people.
Fairly soon I'll voluntarily commit myself to the psychiatric ward and the head shrink will scribble "two-year molars" on my chart. The nurses cluck their tongues sympathetically and give me extra drugs. I'll be in there so long my husband will tire of waiting for me and cite "two-year molars" on the divorce papers. The two-year molars are going to RUIN MY LIFE.
We've been dealing with their onset for what? Seventy-four years now? I remember it being bad with Jack, bad enough that I've been confident telling friends that teething was horrible until I met the Two-Year Molars and only THEN did I know the havoc teething really wrought. But it did go away. We did get our sleeps-through-the-night relatively cheerful child back. (Then Three hit - that's an entirely different story.)
It's been harder with Molly. I think because she's never given us much trouble in the sleeping-through department. For a while there it was difficult putting her down and yes, there was many an angsty blog post about that, but she's been doing so well for so long. She was the kid who WANTED to go to bed! Who literally DOVE IN!
But for weeks now Molly's been a beast. A cute one, for sure, but MAN does she have the 'Tude. Everything makes her cry, and the stuff that's always made her bawl just makes her bawl harder. Her brother is the meanest person alive. If she has her hair washed she might die. And if she doesn't get to open the backyard gate all by herself, she knows where the Activate Nuclear War button is located and she totally knows how to push it.
Bedtime, of course, is a real treat. She doesn't WANT to go to bed. And if you've managed to convince her that it is, indeed, time for bed, she then rolls out her list of conditions: particular toys, particular books, this blankie, that blankie, drink of water, can't find her pacifier, wants MOOOOOZIK! Sometimes one or a combination of those things gets her back down and asleep. Sometimes she just wants to be held. For hoooouuuurrrrsss. Need I remind you this is the child who has fallen asleep in my arms maybe twice the entire time I've known her?
What's REALLY fun is when she wakes up in the middle of the night and we have to do the process all over again. This is where Phillip and I have our usual Our Lives Are Miserable And What Are We Going To Do About It argument. (I highly recommend fighting at 2am. Your best selves really come out!) See, we are on two sides of a very large Philosophical Divide. Phillip thinks we can do something about it, I think we can't. We can't cry out the two-year molars. We can't train her out of them. I thrust my fingers into Molly's mouth and feel around for the tell-tale bumps and shriek, "It's the TWO-YEAR MOLARS! What can we DOOOOO?!"
NOTHING. The answer is nothing. The answer is buy stock in Tylenol and Motrin, cross your fingers and hope for the best. One day we'll get our sweet little girl back, one day we'll go to bed knowing we won't be wide awake between two and four am. One day we can get rid of the extra crib mattress on the floor beside my side of the bed. One day we'll re-engineer this whole teeth-growing process because SERIOUSLY, whoever thought of randomly sprouting rock-hard, blunt, enameled lumps in one's mouth at or around age two is FIRED.
So remember how I was saying Sam has been extra irritable lately? He’s been moody and throwing tantrums at every turn, refusing to eat anything (I swear he is living off of air and apple juice and the occasional goldfish, HOORAY) and sleep has been… Rough. Like, crying for an hour before finally passing out at night, rough. And waking up too early, rough. And thus being grumpy the majority of the morning, rough.
It’s been super fun here, guys.
Well we were trying to figure out WHERE our happy sweet little boy went. And then we realized: it’s the two year molars.
Those damn two year molars. I swear, if I ever find the person who invented the need for “teething” I am going to punch them in the face.
I kind of just assumed that teething was something that was fairly constant, on and off, for the first couple years and then it’s over! NOPE. Because there is this thing called the Two Year Molars that exist purely to torture poor little toddlers and their somewhat sane parents all over again.
I am convinced, they are the worst. The absolute worst.
So here’s to those dang molars coming in quick and getting back our happy guy who sleeps well and eats a lot! Because gosh, we really really miss him.
And in the meantime, we’ve ordered these molar teethers (didn’t know they even existed?!) which I’m praying help! And we’ve been giving him Tylenol and soft foods and looooots of snuggles, because really, the snuggle is real and I’m okay with that.
How do you cope with teething?? Taking any tips and tricks, thank you very much!
(And happy long weekend, friends! I hope you enjoy yourselves and stay safe!!)
Read More on Katie Did What
22 CommentsFiled Under: Baby Did What, life